If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
