she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
