my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
