I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
