I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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