I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
