I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
