i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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