I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
