ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
