It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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