The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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