My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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