New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
