He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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