She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
