How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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