talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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