found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
