I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
