there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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