She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
