quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
