He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
