Already got asked if we're dating
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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