I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I would fuck him just for his dog
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
