I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
