I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
