i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
