I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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