shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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