Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
