Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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