In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
