theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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