I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
