She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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