i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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