five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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