I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
