we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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