I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
