My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
