I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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