but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
