I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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