Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
