Moan for me like Helen Keller
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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