Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
