I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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